In the mid-1800’s, it became a popular desire for people to head out west to California, which offered vast farmland, rich natural resources and an abundance of minerals. Two families, in particular, the Donners and the Reeds, were over the moon about “California Life”. Before their journey began, George Donner posted an advertisement, in the San-gamo Journal. “Who wants to go to California without costing them anything? A team of eight young men, of good character, who can drive and ox team will be accommodated by gentlemen who will leave this vicinity about the first of April. Come boys! You can have as much land as you want without any cost to you.” Just imagine, many families with all of their belongings, traveling from Illinois to Oregon or California. They had to construct the wagons and hire teamsters to help with the oxen to follow the long, arduous path ahead. While they were making their way, babies were born, several weddings took place, and many deaths occurred.

The story of this journey and its consequences is the subject of Michael Wallis’s riveting book, “The Best Land Under Heaven,” which I wholeheartedly recommend.

There were two routes to choose from, a shortcut that Lansford Hastings, the author of the “Emigrants’ Guide to Oregon and California,” and the advice from James Clyman, who strongly advised not to take the shortcut that Hastings was recommending. Clyman, a veteran of the War of 1812, had first-hand experience with traveling through the Rockies. Unfortunately, the Donner Party, anxious to get to California, chose the path of Hastings. This fatally changes their journey, as they were not warned of the disastrous weather that they would encounter, the lack of food, resulting conflicts between families, the biting cold and treacherous roads, encounters with Indians, mosquitoes and ticks, etc. Hastings played down the negative parts and it was a nightmare from then on for the families who took the shortcut. When food ran out, and no wildlife to hunt for, some turned to cannibalism, they were so desperate. A man by the name of Keseberg was promoting this; he would lie and say someone had died when in reality he had killed them in order to have sustenance.

Some survived this arduous journey, but many perished. I could not put this book down; Wallis writes beautifully, you feel like you are right there experiencing it. What I learned from reading this book is how fortunate we are in modern society to have food, medicine, education, and transportation, just to name a few of our blessings. I now plan to read Wallis’s earlier book, “Route 66”.

Color makes me happy,  I spend many hours coloring in my adult coloring books.  I go to another world.  When I was in boarding school, I had the most important mentor in my life, Mrs Allen.  I detested the boarding school, my only outlet was to go to my art class, and I would paint for hours. My favorite was doing large abstracts, with vibrant colors; she would guide me and say keep going you are doing a wonderful job. Or, she would give me recommendations when I was not sure of color or shape. She understood me, and color was my refuge.  Now, many years later, When I am doing my coloring I feel her presence .

People have different outlets for anxiety or stress, I am highly affected by our world events lately,  and I am sensitive but, I have wonderful friends, faith , and the love of my life, my husband, Keith .

I also listen to music while I color, when coloring, for example, I just finished a knitting theme, I love to knit so it makes me feel calm and happy!

Here is a picture of my knitting project, it was so much fun.

My dear Jackie died last month. Her son called to tell me. Her funeral was held in Oklahoma City on August 24, which happens to be Keith’s birthday and my mother’s birthday. Jackie was 96 years old.

Jackie was my second mother. She was one of the black women who began working for my family when I was around six years old.  She is the lady who knew the real me, and she basically raised me. My parents traveled a lot and loved being social. Jackie was the one who picked me up from school, took me to the tutor; she cooked and bathed me, taught me about life and love. I loved her so much, as I write this I can still smell her scent, and her chewing gum. I would hug and kiss her and sit on her lap. I have even shared a bed with her.

Anna, my dear cousin, was my partner in crime growing up. Jackie would take us out to fun restaurants and shopping centers.  When my parents were out of town, Jackie would sit and watch us mimic Sonny and Cher; we would sing our hearts out into the wee hours of the morning.  At times Jackie would retreat into the kitchen while the loud music was being played, and smoke her cigarettes and play solitaire. She had been known to share a glass of wine or two with Anna and me. She would prepare our family dinners and was always there helping with the meals for the holidays.

There were some fun and sad times.  I remember Jackie taking Anna and me to her Baptist Church for a Sunday service. It was quite the experience; I had never witnessed people jumping up and down in church and screaming praises to the Lord like he was just next door.  Another time, Jackie had taken me to a Mexican diner when I was in my teens and a bit boy crazy. There we were in line getting our food, Jackie had a huge glass of Coke, and I swung my head around to look at some boy and flipped my long hair, and there went the Coke and food flying everywhere. The coke was in her purse and all over her. She was so upset, she would not sit with me, and I kept apologizing, but she would have nothing to do with me. She even asked the waiter for an aspirin.  After sending me to my room when we got home, she forgave me several hours later.

While I was in boarding school in California, my mom was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. I would talk with Jackie on a daily basis. I remember her advising me to come home because my mom was having surgery, and that I would not recognize her. Jackie met me at the airport and we went directly to the hospital and I was shocked when I saw my mother. Jackie was with my mom on a daily basis when she became so ill; my dad would go to work and she witnessed all of the pain. My mom collapsed one time when my father was swimming in the pool. She yelled out to him to get out, as she had picked her up off the floor. The ambulance came and Jackie rode with her to the hospital.  Jackie was at my mother’s side when she died,   Unfortunately, I was flying home at that moment.  Jackie shared a very special moment with my mom as she took her last breath: Jackie asked  her if she would accept Jesus as her lord and savior, my mom replied yes.  Jackie was very spiritual and loved her church and her God.

Jackie was a part of our family. My mother would sit for hours and talk with her about everything. My dad loved her also, always treating her with respect. She referred to my mom as “Little Miss” and called my dad “Peeps”!  All of our close friends loved her and she welcomed everyone with a hug and a smile.

After my mother died, our family dedicated” A Tree of Life ” in memory of my mom at the hospital where she died.  Jackie was at the dedication with our family, I can still look in the photo album and see her picture.

The last time I saw Jackie was when she celebrated her 90th birthday back in Oklahoma City. Ginny Sharkey, my dear friend, and Keith, my wonderful husband, and I flew back for her party.  Anna, my dear cousin, went with us, and Jackie’s family was there. It was just like being with family. Jackie was so glad to see us, we reminisced about all the fun we had and how I would always be her baby. That is where I first tried a dump cake, and to this day love it!  As we drove away from her house, I broke down and cried, knowing I would never see her again.  I can still hear her talking to me, and her laugh. Jackie was a gift from God to me, I know she is with the angels in heaven and looking down on me. I am sure at times she is shaking her head, saying be a good girl!

Another summer read, “SweetBitter,” was not what I had expected. I was drawn to the novel due to reviews on Amazon, and I also liked the pink cover, and that it was a book about a NY restaurant.  I am a big fan of NYC, I have been blessed to experience the fine dining and the wonderful electricity of the city. The blessing is going with my husband, who knows the ins and outs of the big city .

The story is about a young twenty-something girl, Tess, who decides to leave her midwestern town and drive to NYC in search of a job and a new life.  Tess does not know anyone in the City, she finds an apartment in Williamsburg, which is a neighborhood in Brooklyn.  She finds a job at an upscale restaurant in downtown Manhattan, and is hired as a back waiter.  Behind the scenes, this restaurant is bleak, the employees attend drug parties nightly after work, and it is like one big train wreck.  Tess turns to drugs, and snorts coke like there is no tomorrow. She falls for Jake, who is the bartender, is of course a druggie, and has a secret relationship with Simone, who runs the restaurant.  He is basically a liar and a male slut.

One of the positive points in the book is that the “heroine” does learn about wine and, after being promoted to a server, how to handle upscale regulars.

I am walking away knowing about the rat infestation in NYC and with a bad taste in my mouth about what goes on in the back of an upscale restaurant.  This is a sad depiction of the life of a twenty-year-old, naive and sensitive female.  This is just a novel, but it is a wake up call about our younger generation.  I am on my way to NYC next week and will pretend I never read this book.  The next book on my shelf is “Kitchen Confidential” by Anthony Bourdain (more depressing facts, I’m sure)!

I just finished reading “The Honeymoon,” a novel by Dinitia Smith. I was drawn to it by reading a review of it in the NY Times, and knowing it took place in Venice. I love Venice, one of the most romantic spots in the world, and I have been blessed to travel there with Keith.

The story is about George Eliot, who was a  famous, eighteen century English author.  Her real name was Marian Evans.  She was a private and shy woman, and due to her fame, took the name of George Eliot.

The book explores her two romantic relationships, one of them, out of wedlock,  with George Lewes, a love that Marian knew she would never experience again.  A love that was so strong between two people that it was almost like a dream.  Throughout the book, Marian is aware that it could not go on forever, and she is devastated when he dies. She takes to her bed for months, and refuses to have any visitors.

The second relationship was to a very strange man, who was twenty years younger than she. Her role was as his caretaker, as he had a serious drinking problem and they had separate boudoir’s.  It was deeply troubling to her, nothing like that one love she had experienced.

George Eliot was an incredible writer, the author of seven novels; one that resonated with me was “Middlemarch.”  I highly recommend this fictionalized account of her life. So beautifully written, and I learned many interesting tidbits!

I just finished reading a lovely book, My Paris Dream, by Kate Betts.  I chose it because I love anything that is related to Paris. This happens to be a memoir, which is even better.

Kate ventured off to Paris after graduating from Princeton; she had been there one other time with a girlfriend back in high school. Kate’s passion was fashion and nothing was going to stop her.  She began as a reporter for Women’s Wear Daily in Paris. At the time, she lived with a lovely Parisian family, who to this day remain her close friends.  She was living far away from home, missing her boyfriend and mother, and her parents were divorced.  Kate became fluent in French, and of course it was a different way of life than living in NY.

When I think of a French lady, I envision red lips, black stylish clothing, such as a Chanel dress, drinking strong espresso, wearing a beautiful fragrance, and of course smoking a cigarette!  After Kate was promoted, she rented a lovely apartment and met Herve, a Frenchman, who would drive her out to Giverny, which was Monet’s home. The French countryside became a weekend getaway for them, getting out of the hustle and bustle of Paris. As time progressed and Kate became more involved with work, she would work late nights and even on the weekends.  She would attend all of the couture shows and then run back to the office and write about them. Her relationship with Herve went down the tubes, and they parted ways.  It was a this point that she decided to leave Paris and go back to NY. Luckily she was hired by Anna Wintour, at Vogue. Several months later, she was sent back to Paris, and became Paris editor for Vogue.  She was fortunate to meet Yves Saint Laurent, Helmut Lang, and Christian Louboutin, and many more of the big designers.

At this point fashion was starting to change, women’s clothes became more masculine, designers were going towards a severe, modern look.  It became fashionable to look like a slob: torn jeans, and dark brazen colors. After working at Vogue, Kate became the youngest person to serve as editor in chief of Harper’s Bazaar. Today, Kate is married, and lives in NYC with her husband and two children.

While I was reading the book, I remembered when my mother would shop at this beautiful boutique in Oklahoma City, called Balliets. At the time it was located in the beautiful Skirvin (no, not scurvy, Skirvin!) Hotel.  This was over forty years ago.  My mother worked with a lady by the name of Hildegard, who was her personal shopper.  During those days, the big designers would fly in from NYC or Paris, and have what they would call a “trunk show.”  My mother had her favorite’s: Chanel, Adolfo, and Bill Blass.  My mother would stay for at least four hours, and order beautiful gowns and dresses for social events. There was a reason why she became one of the “best dressed women of Oklahoma City”!

I have been blessed to visit Paris with my wonderful husband several times.  The French are still classy, and dress simply yet elegantly.  When I return to the United States, it is quite a shock. Americans now wear jeans to work and even in the most upscale restaurants. Men wear their shirts not tucked in, and women think nothing of wearing jeans and tee shirts on Madison Avenue.

I am far from perfect and as I age comfort becomes a must, but come on, folks — can’t we dress as though we cared?

I want to mention fragrances, which is one of my passions, and also French women love to wear them.    I had the opportunity to work at I. Magnin, in Palo Alto, Ca.  I sold cosmetics and became acquainted with the old time classy fragrances.  Some of my favorites  are, Ombre Rose, Bal A Versailles, Joy, Ma Griffe, and Chanel No. 5.  Just to point out, Bal a Versailles was launched in 1962, Joy was launched in 1929, Ma Griffe was launched in 1946, and Chanel No.5 was launched in 1921. These wonderful fragrances, like classy dress, have stood the test of time.  I smell a little bit of Paris in them!

Another great read, actually incredible, rocked my life!   I remember Keith and I watching Charlie Rose one evening, and it caught my attention: Dan Harris discussing his book “10% Happier”. I love reading about being happy plus I remember him talking about meditation and mindfulness.

I decided to read the book, it excites me to tell you about it.  A bit about Dan, he is co-anchor of Nightline and the weekend editions of Good Morning America. He also does segments  for 20/20 and World News, and he reported to Peter Jennings. He had a very stressful job, traveling all over the world, Afghanistan and Tora Bora to name a few.   Dan got a taste of being in the public life constantly and always wanting more.  Due to the stress he turned to drugs, mainly cocaine and Ecstasy, and knew he was on the downhill.  Months later he suffered a panic attack while giving the news on Good Morning America.  His next move was to see a psychiatrist, and start anti-anxiety medication.  He was able to get off his drug binge, and stopped therapy. He  married a lovely woman, Bianca, who is a specialist in pulmonary and critical care medicine in Manhattan.   He interviewed Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, and the Dali Lama thinking maybe they would have the “right Answer” for his life.  He became interested in Dr. Mark Epstein, a NY Psychiatrist and Buddhist.  His wife bought him several books on Epstein and he was riveted. His world opened up after starting therapy with him.  He was introduced to Buddhism, and mindfulness, he also attended a week long silent retreat.

His lifeline and blessings from these top people were the words, meditation and mindfulness.  Here are some amazing concepts he learned and that I am learning now:

– Meditation can re-wire your brain.

– Meditation is the” new caffeine”, as stated in Wired Magazine.

– The present moment is all we have; “when you have one foot in the future and the other in the past, you piss on the present.”

In Buddhism, mindfulness and the acceptance of impermanence are critical concepts.  To accept Impermanence is to recognize that nothing lasts forever; therefore, non-attachment is vital. I had to work to grasp this, and I think I get it. We cling onto the past and the present whether it is someone you love or an event that happened. We have no control over the future, so why not just enjoy this moment and appreciate it and those you are with.

Accept that nothing lasts forever, enjoy now, you will never get it back. The people in our lives are blessings but they and we will not last forever. Our ego gives rein to our chaotic minds; these are just thoughts, see them for what they are. Our ego coughs up alot of garbage, let it go!  Mindfulness is having the ability to be aware of this moment, recognize what is going on and have no judgement. Buddhism says mindfulness is an alternative to living reactively; there is no need to react just recognize and let it go.

So, why the title “10% Happier”? Dan realized by practicing meditation and mindfulness, he was actually 10% more happy. Not a wild, dramatic claim, just a significant improvement in his life. He knows it helps him get through his days and knows he is doing the right thing for him.

I want to leave you with some insights of my own. I will never forget seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist not long ago because of my focusing issues and sensitivity. She looked at me in a very intense way and said, ” Go and meditate” and handed me a printout on meditation. She must have repeated that to me every time I saw her. I quit seeing her because I thought that was harsh and I could not do it. Now, I would love to say thank you to her!

Secondly, years ago when we were living in San Francisco, I attended an eight week seminar on mindfulness meditation. It was just okay for me, but, I never re-visited meditation. I am going to try it again! A year ago, I heard about headspace.com, I loved it and quit before Christmas, being too busy. That is when I needed it the most. Today, I am going back to meditate with Headspace. com.  I think it is meant for me, I encourage you to check out their website.  Namaste.

While I was on vacation a lovely woman handed me a book she had just read, “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years –How I  Learned To Live a Better Story,” by Donald Miller.

Once in a blue moon, people will say “Tell me Your Story”, and when it happens I feel so honored and loved. But it hardly ever happens. I can only think of a dear friend and my husband and many therapists!   Donald Miller’s story is his own — an overweight man, in his early thirties , who has just finished writing his memoir.  This was a success, but like experiencing any big moment in one’s life, that high comes down and he was depressed  and stuck.   He is approached by two filmmakers about making a movie based on his memoir. Donald realizes his life story should be more about “the way he should live his life” as opposed to the wild crazy life he’s led to that point, that he has the opportunity to create a different life that includes experience, faith, courage and love.

He learns through many life changing events what is going to make his story. He needed to get off his ass and get away from his comfort zone and see what life can offer. The basic structure of most stories is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.  Miller begins by working in a soup kitchen, which I have often thought about. Here is just one of his quotes that melts my heart: “If I have a  hope, it’s that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me specifically into the story and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, Enjoy your place in my story. The beauty of it means you matter, and you can create within it even as I have created you.”

He then focuses on the sad fact that he has not seen his father since his mother and dad divorced over thirty years ago. He opens up to his mom and shares with her how he wants to see his dad, and she is able to obtain where he is living and his phone number. Don shows up at his father’s door step, putting all fear aside, and confronts his dad. The outcome was so beautiful, his father apologizes and looks Don in the eye and tells him he loves him.

Here is another example of a story.  Don is hot after this gal, she wants to hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, which is 14,000 feet. Don hires a trainer and guess what, he does the entire hike, with the girl and a group of friends.

In another episode, Don has started the Mentoring Project, which is a program for children from fatherless homes.  That light bulb went on and he realized that in order to have a story, he needed to take risks and go experience life.  Spirituality is an interesting part of Don’s world,  He is a believer in God, and sees God in his challenges and in a beautiful sunset.

One of his quotes is”I like those scenes in the bible where God stops people and asks them to build an altar.I think God wanted his people to build altars for their sake, something that would help them remember the time when they were rescued or they were given grace”.

Most of us are just fine with sitting in our own little worlds, and take careful steps. Do we want to go out of our comfort zones? I honestly think from the age of 5, I was out of my comfort zone. At that age, I released the parking brake on my mom’s friend’s car, jumped out and was almost crushed by the tire that tore my ear off. Later, I was shipped off to boarding school, watched both of my parents die from cancer, endured my father hiring a private detective to snoop on me, and survived a divorce. And I met the man of my dreams. Believe me I have learned alot from my life and will continue to. God has a plan, and I am just blessed to be a part of it.

When I return home, I am going to sign up at the soup kitchen.

Continue reading →

Hi Dear Friends,

Have you ever read a book that you know was made for you?  During the summer, I was at my Dear friend Amy’s house.  She is my psychic angel, we share fragrances and books, and a wonderful friendship.   I happened to see a bright yellow book on her desk, called “Letting Go” The Pathway of Surrender. The book is written by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.  I,  as usual was in a hurry and forgot about it.   Several months later, my meditation teacher pulled it out of her drawer and highly recommended it to me.   I immediately ordered it and start reading it. This book is something I have been looking for.   I was diganosed with an anxiety disorder which goes hand in hand with ADHD.  So, I worry alot, and want to take care of everyone, and at times doubt myself.  I have been in therapy, but decided with my ADHD Coaching and my new sense of self, I got so much more out “Letting Go”. Every morning I go downstairs and read the book and highlight what is speaking to me.  The sense of calmness and happiness soothed my soul every time I picked  up the book.  I understand now how important it is to let go of all of that, negative self talk, forget the past and the future, live in this moment now!  It is that ego of ours that takes us on a wild ride, get rid of it.  There is only one you, and you are a gift, and no-one was made to be perfect. I work on this daily, and when my mind and ego start to push me in that negative direction, I acknowledge my thoughts and bring my mind back to the present, and laugh and let go.  I try to see the good in every situation, and I keep on with the wheel of life all of us are on.

There are twenty one chapters in this book. Here are a couple of my favorite excerpts:

“It is very good to start the day by surrendering your thoughts and feelings about your expectations, to picture the way you would like it to go, and to let go of all negative thoughts that would interfere with the day going in that way.”

“Let’s not forget that we are letting go of all of the programs that have made us a slave and a victim for so long.  These programs have blinded us to the truth of our real identity.”

Happy Sunday!  It has been a long time since I have written. I am reading a thoughtful, spiritual book, Soul Keeping , by John Ortberg.  When I lived in Portola Valley, Ca, I attended John’s church.  Menlo Park Presbyterian church, is a huge church, one that was too big for me, and I also got lost in the shuffle. The great gift was having John Ortberg as the pastor. His sermons touched my heart and I could connect with him.

I woke up this morning and started reading about, Caring for the most important part of you, your soul. He starts out the book by saying it is so easy to lose one’s soul in this fast paced, do do world. I am blessed by my life, but it is difficult to sometimes stay afloat, with all the emails, and the rest of the social networking happening. I also have a busy mind, and choosing what to do at a certain time is like a big wave coming at me. It is all good, a blessing from God. You have to laugh.

Here are some of my favorite writings so far in the book:

“The soul is the deepest part of you, there is a depth to your soul that is beyond words.A deep soul has the capacity to understand and empathize deeply with other people, not just himself. A deep soul notices and questions and doesn’t just go through the motions. A deep soul lives in conscious awareness of eternity, not simply today.” Our soul connects with God, he gave us our beautiful souls, this I know so well.

I have a dear friend in Napa Valley her name is Carol, when I was going through my divorce and was scared and lonely she was always there for me. I remember her saying to me, it is okay to do nothing, be happy and your faith and God will guide you. It warmed my heart and still does today. Yes, it is good to be quiet, to reflect on what really matters, and I thank her for her wisdom and friendship and my love for God.  Seals and Crofts did a beautiful song, We May Never Pass This Way Again, I can still hear it playing in my head, ” Life, so they say, is but a game, and they let it slip away,…. Like Columbus in the olden days, we must gather all our courage, sail our ships out on the open sea, cast away our fears, and all the  years will come and go and take us up, always up.” So, how does this connect to my point about the soul? It is those special moments in our lives, that make our souls sing, knowing we will not have that second again , I do my best to treasure my husband, Keith, and my dear friends and family. It is so easy to get caught up on all the hustle and bustle, but what really matters is that shared moment with a loved one, and knowing how precious it is , because We May Never Pass This Way Again.  Let’s pay attention to our Souls, I love you, Courtney xoox